Sort of Busy

It's not really busy, not like people who actually work for a living, but I've been kept moving.  The very nice man came to have a look at what I thought was an iffy door frame in the kitchen and it turned out to be iffy trim, so instead I got a quote to replace the extremely badly fitted window in the junk room. 

Then I got a haircut.  It was a little aggressive, but I ended up with shorter hair and that's all I ask for these days.  I still have some snips of hair stuck in the back of my throat and it is driving me nuts.  It meant that I had nice hair when I went into town to get passport photos taken as I need a passport really to make it easy to get my provisional driving licence so that I can learn to drive and so drive bear to school which is fifteen minutes in the car, an hour on the bus and so probably important. 

Then I made a call about the mortgage which is coming to the end of its fixed term and that was bewildering.  I know a little about mortgages, such as the importance of paying them, but I'm not very clued up and the people on the other end of the phone, while lovely, kept assuming that I knew what they were talking about. 

Then I had to grovel to the school as I had completely forgotten about the books that bear would like for his SATS revision (it's driving me crazy and the test isn't until May) and I had to sort the money out for that. 

Then bear managed to spill half a small glass of milk that seemed to cover most of his desk, under his computer keyboard, his mousemat, his shoes, large amounts of paper and pens and half a yard of carpet. 

I'm still working out how to use the new cooker but I managed to successfully use a pan and then settled down after bear's bedtime and finished off the latest instalment of 'At the Sign of the White Hart' here, or the story from the beginning here. 

Now I am going to get off and sort out the money for the books and the money for the sweet shop they are holding at school to raise funds to repair the storm damage. 

Thank you More!!!

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice and support. I am having a long, hard think about things and taking all the amazing suggestions on board.  I'm really grateful. 

I'm doing okay and I had a boost yesterday as bear and I had an agreement about homework.  Bear, despite the evidence of his desk and bedroom, is an orderly creature.  He likes things as he likes them.  He noticed that keep our dvds in those sort of book things that hold 100 discs and thought that was the best way to keep his collection of audio books on CDs.  Bear and I had a discussion and I bought some extremely inexpensive cases for his CDs of Harry Potter, The Hobbit, the Narnia collection and Lord of the Rings.  They arrived yesterday while bear was at school.

I forgot about them until bedtime.  The rule is that we finish up story time and the bedtime routine and leave bear alone by 8pm.  He gets left to put his own light out when he is ready, usually around 9pm which is about right as he is normally up at 7am.  Sometimes the light goes out later, sometimes earlier but it averages out okay and between us leaving and bear actually going to sleep he has a chance to wind down away from all screens with books, audio books, sometimes he draws or does puzzles, whatever he feels like.  I don't know how long this will last as bear heads towards the teens, but I live in hope. 

Last night as we were leaving bear mentions the CD wallets and I remembered that they had arrived.  Bear wanted to immediately leap into action but I told him that he could sort it all out tomorrow after he had done his homework.  I didn't want him messing around with CDs too late.  Bear looked shocked and said that he could do his homework right there and then.  In fact he insisted on doing his homework right then.  I've never known anything like it.  Bear ran downstairs determined to get that homework done and dusted and to grab the CD wallets.  Before I knew it bear had written out his ten facts he had learned about the Ancient Greeks and was upstairs shedding paper CD sleeves. 

I should mention that bear had been telling me how impossible it was to do the homework as he couldn't possibly remember ten facts he had covered in school last Friday, it was utterly beyond him, he was stuck.  Faced with the chance to organise something into CD wallets it took him less than fifteen minutes and that included finding his book bag and me insisting that he put his homework actually inside the book bag so it had a chance of getting into school. I took it as a win.

Thank You

Thank you for the advice and support.  There are some amazing people out there and I am lucky that some of them read my blog.  Thank you!

Today I finished off the last of the current bottle of brandy.  I don't intend on buying any more.  To keep myself honest, I'll post here when I drink but I'm not going to make a big thing of it.  Also, to be clear, I only ever drink when bear is safely tucked in bed, soundly asleep and DH is able to look after him in a crisis.  When all is said and done, it's always all about bear.

I didn't get far today.  I got maybe a few miles only, but I went to see Jumanji.  I love seeing a good film at the cinema, and it doesn't appeal the same way to bear or DH.  Bear is quite clear, he does not do cinema and he would rather wait for the dvd, thank you so much.  I loved the film.  I thought there were some amazing and understated acting performances and I plan to get the dvd when it comes out.  Bear would not have tolerated it.  There were a couple of cringy teenage kisses and bear does not do kisses.  Bear has Views. 

I've decided that tomorrow is a knitting day.  Looking back over my track record that means that it's unlikely that any knitting will happen but who knows.  For once I may stick to a plan.  I was on eBay and under the influence last night, and bear will be getting several shirts.  I will be getting a knitted hat kit that was actually very reasonable, but I want to try and clear some of my outstanding projects. 

Bear has taken to milkshake.  This is quite interesting as milk can upset his stomach.  However by taking things steady and being sensible he is getting through litres of semi skimmed milk.  It may be via these sippy straws, where you suck up the milk through flavoured granules, but I'll take it.  DH checked and they're around 24 calories each, which while it includes additives also includes protein, vitamin D and calcium.  It's a trade that I'm willing to take. 

Bear is weirdly picky about food, often complains that something will upset his stomach and is more likely to skip meals than over eat.  I'm keeping an eye on him. 

Worried

Yesterday I posted a poem on my 'writing' blog, Always Another Chapter.  I don't remember writing the poem, and I don't remember posting it up either.  This is not a good thing.  Reading the poem back, it looks good, I'm happy with it, it look like it's triggered by a writing prompt from Our Write Side and thankfully nothing to do with me and I can't complain.  I just wish I could remember doing it. 

I also found a mystery grocery order which I was able to amend so that tomorrow's delivery will be slightly less random.  I checked and there wasn't an eBay moment. 

I am a little concerned.  I'm not ashamed of the poem and the grocery delivery is much needed, but it worries me that I can't remember actions that take several steps and some passwords.  I am not really coping at the moment and after last night I need to accept that drink is not the answer.  I'm usually fairly confident of finding answers quickly but I have no idea where to go at the moment.  The two usual answers to stress and anxiety are antidepressants and counselling but neither are easy for me.  Just because they aren't easy doesn't mean I shouldn't consider them, but it isn't my first choice.  I could take more exercise in fresh air, but I struggle to get out of the house.  My diet is in dire need of a rescue, and that's another struggle as I love my comfort food. 

I'm considering turning to writing.  Here's a picture of the interior of York Minster that I keep hanging around to motivate me.  I'm considering actually paying actual money to go into the minster.  I know it's necessary for the incredible cost to upkeep and I know that the £10 I would pay would get me any time in for a year but it doesn't feel right.  Even though it's less than it would cost me to see a film at the cinema. 

Image from WikiCommons, taken by dun_deagh and used under the Creative Commons Agreement

I have issues with drink

And here it is - writing drunk poetry

I'm putting this here because I need to face up to how much I drink and the consequences.   I posted drunk poetry when I was barely able to press ctrl + p

link to the drunk stuff

Bugger

I should not write poetry while drunk

https://lyssa-medana.blogspot.co.uk/2018/02/as-it-should-be.html

I Has an Internet

After a lot of naff raffing, DH ran System Mechanic and it found a lot of issues.  I don't go on many odd sites.  My search history is frankly suspicious but when I look for what laudanum tastes like (bitter, apparently) and what sort of fuses are available for explosives (you'd be surprised what Amazon sells) or even whether embalming fluid is flammable (mildly, but that search led me to the discovery that Amazon and eBay sell powder to hide the smell of a dead body, and it's possibly available at other places as well) I go on reputable odd sites.  However I do have a weakness for hidden object games and they have been pinging back to their site and what with running two browsers and not clearing cookies because of Topcashback etc, there were over 4000 fixes.  Oops. 

So I now have a functional laptop and I will be regularly running the System Mechanic as I don't think I could manage without online shopping.  Also there have been issues.  Yesterday the nice people from AO came with a new fridge and new cooker.  The old cooker was gas and the new cooker is electric so they disconnected the gas properly, cut off a length of pipe to keep it out of the way and capped it off.  The gas meter has been professionally assessed three times this year and we've only just reached February.  Then they found that the new cooker was defective.  I think they had the main clue when sparks shot across the kitchen and all the lights went out.  Lighting has been restored.  I get a new cooker next week.  That is not as much of a problem as we have a halogen cooker (which rocks) and a combination microwave cooker and if you extend the search to fifteen minutes walk you have at least two pizza places, two Chinese takeaways, several fish and chip shops and an Indian. 

One of the door shelves on the fridge is broken.  They are supposed to be getting back to me.  I'm just revelling in a fridge that keeps things cold.  It's doing well considering the floor is completely not level, but as half the tiles fell off the wall, I used some of the fallen ones to prop up the fridge and it's doing okay. 

To recap, I have a fridge with a missing door shelf, an absent cooker and a pile of tiles.  On the bright side I have an extremely well checked gas meter but it isn't really making up for the rest.  As someone who knows less than the average yogurt about building work, I think the wall where the tiles have fallen is damp.  There are many sources of damp in this kitchen, including it being at least 50% underground, regular flooding from the drain (now more or less sorted) and roofs leaking and the damp getting down (also now sorted).  I think, however, that this wall is getting damp because it adjoins the cupboard under the front step which used to be the outside toilet.  I don't think the wall has been properly damp proofed and there's something that looks suspiciously like a hole for a pipe going through that has been inadequately plugged.  All the plaster is crumbling and I have no idea what to do next. 

The plan was to have a clear out, save up and get rewired asap.  Do I look at the damp before or after - haven't got a clue.  Either way I have to have a massive clear out and I don't really know where to start.  At the moment I've got as far as sitting and sobbing. 

So I'm pulling myself together, looking for the bright side and I'm sure a lot of good will come out of it, especially having a good clear out.  Challenge accepted.

Also I have 608 unread messages in just one of my email accounts and I don't want to think about the others.  This means I have things I can do when I take a break.  I will not be bored.