Today I put in the applications for bear to go to grammar school. I don't know what will happen, and if he doesn't make it then the local school is awesome, but he is showing all the signs of being really bright, and the teachers and tutors agree. One school is free, but has around 800 applicants for 180 places (and is a massive bus ride away) and one school is not free and will be a serious stretch (and is a massive bus ride away). I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by bear, whether he will be better off in a challenging academic school, a local school with a good mix of people, or what. I am pretty sure that the system ought to be that bear would be best in the local state school. I worry that I am making the wrong ethical decision. I worry about every facet of it. Besides, bear may not make it. It won't be the worst thing if he doesn't get into a fancy school and it may end up being a positive, I just wish I knew.
While I was sitting here, desperately wondering if I was doing the right thing, I put on the latest episode of Lucifer. This week's murder took place is a very selective school. I watched all the parents backbiting and the scramble of the playground politics and I am now officially terrified.