There May Have Been a Snowflake

We practically never get snow in November here. In fact, we're more likely to get it in February or March. I read somewhere that statistically, England is more likely to get a White Easter than a White Christmas. However at least three flakes fell last night. 

This was NOT forecast. At least I managed to persuade bear to wear a hoodie, although he was a little worried that the buses would be tricky as they faint at the thought of snow. 

I've done quite a few bits today. I've not been following the checklist, but I've done things like take vitamins and empty the dehumidifier. I've eaten relatively sensibly. I even left the house to go a few yards when I was topping up the bird feeder. I also got quite a bit of writing stuff done. There's all sorts of bits bubbling around in the background which won't see the light of day for a while, but I'm hopefully getting a bit further on. 

I'm starting again with the list. I'm adding loads and loads on, but I've decided that I'm not going to stress about everything. I'm just going to try and get some of it done and I'll call it a win. The point of putting it all on the list is to get it out of my head. There's also a risk of me thinking 'I can do this later/tomorrow/next week/next month' and this will hopefully keep me a little more on point. Anyway, I've had another play and here is the start of the daily list and the weekly list, so that I don't give out personal stuff, and I've also added a sort of timetable of what needs to be done on each day. 

I'll keep sharing how it goes.

I'm doing okay at the moment, I guess. I'm feeling a little tired, but I'm sure that I'll pick up soon, especially if I'm taking my vitamins. 

Hugs and good health to all. 

I Failed the Eye Test

My flinch reflex was apparently too much. It was ridiculous. I was so ashamed but I couldn't stay still for them to get the stuff in. It was a three ring circus trying to get the drops in at the start. The consultant decided that if it needs doing then it will need to be done under sedation. It may be that it's better just to keep monitoring it for now. Currently it's apparently fine. The consultant was an absolute sweetheart, though, and I feel incredibly guilty for what he had to deal with. 

I am flattened by it. I was up half the night with what I think was a proper panic attack - weight on chest and struggling to breathe. I was so annoyed at it. I was trying to plan ways of keeping focused and calm. As you may gather, I didn't get so far. 

At least I got out of the house. I didn't go through the checklist properly, but I managed to tick a few boxes. I'm not showing the list as it's so personalised. One example - 4pm prep [DH's name] dinner. DH finishes work at 5pm and I like to have things laid out for him. There are things like 'leave the house' and 'take vitamins' tucked in with 'empty dehumidifier'. I'm not sure that I like the current layout so much, so I may have to spend some more time thinking about it. I know that there's a risk of spending so much time crafting the perfect list that you never actually get anything done, but I think that it's worth me having another go and a long think about things. I need to have boxes to tick, but I was also wondering about a place to record steps taken and words written. I may just need a separate place for those. 

It was frosty last night, and I think Gladys is finally slowing down. 

And it's about time as she's spreading out over the public path. 

I'll give it another day or two so that any insects get the full benefit of the flowers, then I'll hack her back. Hopefully she'll rebound again, just as vibrant and vigorous.

I really appreciate the kind thoughts and good wishes. They have really helped over the last few days and I'm incredibly grateful. I'll keep looking back and reflecting on them. 

Small Things Continue

I managed a few bits today, but I have that big appointment tomorrow and my eyes are sore. I think I'll be picking up again properly on Thursday, depending on how things go. I'll share how well I do.

I actually managed to speak to my doctor's office about how I'm getting anxious and they've given me some numbers for counselling. I'm having a think.

Anyone who reads this will know how silly I'm being. If I was reading someone else writing this, I would sympathetically and kindly tell them that they're being an idiot. But I can't help feeling that I just ought to pull myself together. Rationally, I know that's not how it works. I'm just not being very rational - and that bugs me more than anything else!

I refuse to feel too 'doom and gloom' about it. I'm going to go away and write some nonsense. It's not likely to ever see the light of day, but I plan to write something silly and playful and ridiculous and have it held in my mind when I'm going through the procedures. 

I meant to take a pic of Gladys today when I managed my few paces outside the house, but it was too dark, so here is a pic from Unsplash, taken by Alec D

And that's the attitude I'm taking to my writing. 

Hugs and good health to all. 

Not the Start that I Wanted

It's not been brilliant.

I have spent a lot of today chasing up the eye clinic. The people in the central hospital department who make the appointments apparently forgot the urgent appointment needed by the clinic. After some back and forth, I'm now going in on Wednesday. They booked a double appointment as I was so twitchy last time. I'm mortified. 

And after the near panic I had trying to convince the main hospital reception to put me through to the main eye clinic, I have also made an appointment to try and speak to someone. I'm having a lot of trouble feeling that I'm not worth this kerfuffle and it makes it hard for me to try and get help. If it's for bear, I can climb mountains. I'm not sure that I can manage much of anything apart from that. It would be good to talk it out with someone. That should at least start to happen tomorrow. 

But - I took vitamins, emptied the dehumidifier and ticked quite a few things off the list, so I'm not too unhappy. It's always going to be a list to attempt. If I don't get it all done then it's not the end of the world. I've also thought of a few different things that I need to add. And I called in to Aldi (DH was driving) for some bits for bear so I got out of the house. I'm taking it as a win.

Hugs and good health to all. 

Mainly Knitting

Today has been mainly knitting. I had a dreadful night with not much sleep, so I decided to take it easier today. 

It's been quite calm. I've watched some documentaries (we have a free trial of Apple TV and I want to make the most of it) and knitted, and I went with DH to a local farm where they have a coffee shop - which is gorgeous. And they have plants in hanging wall thingies which I think look amazing.

I think that it's pretty much how farms need to use every trick they can. This farm has an egg business, plus the cafe (which is really lovely) and livery stables. 

Afterwards DH, bear and I watched the Doctor Who 60th Anniversary Programme. It was a lot of fun, and as the BBC have all available old episodes on the iPlayer, I suspect that a Doctor Who marathon may be happening over the next week or so. It's great for getting knitting done. 

It's the first frost that I've noticed. 

That was at 10pm. I think that we're heading into scraper weather. I'll be keeping a close eye on Gladys and cut her back when the flowers and leaves fall.

Hugs and good health to all. 

It's Getting Cold

I've noticed that it's getting a lot colder and the weather forecasts are forecasting a non-zero chance of snow. Gladys usually thrives until the first frost, so we will see how it goes. 

I got out of the house twice but it wasn't a total win. The first time I left it was to put petrol in the car. I was planning on driving to Tesco afterwards but didn't feel able. The second time was to go to Aldi for salad stuff and bagels but only went to the nearest one. Still I saw this. 

I'm not sure if it's for sale or a decoration, but I kind of wanted it. DH would probably be unimpressed.

Bear had a sort of day off type thing. He wasn't in college but he had online meetings about something. I'm not exactly sure what that something is, but it's complicated, mathematical and he has explained it to me. I didn't understand the explanation, but I don't blame him. The conversation had some strange mathematical words in that he knew what they meant but I really didn't. 

I start the new plan on Monday. There's a page for each day of the week and, for example, Tuesday has an entry that reminds me that the bins need to go out for collection and it's a good day to clear out the fridge, Sunday has a reminder that it's bear's day to use the washing machine etc. I have a page for stuff that really should be done once a week but aren't tied to a particular day and I've got another page for stuff that should be done most months, but aren't tied to a particular time. I'm taking it as aspirational and not something that's locking me in, and I can alter them if I need to. But today I did a couple of things that needed to be done, so I'm happy. 

Hugs and good health to all. 

A Bit Draughty

It's very windy here. I tried to take a pic of Gladys being blown around, but failed to get a decent one. Have a look at this. 

It doesn't show much movement but shows that Gladys is still flourishing. 

Today was a very mixed sort of day. I had to drop a parcel off and it was really hard for me to leave the house. I managed to push through and then somehow managed to get to Tesco. I never thought I'd see the day that I struggled to get to Tesco, but here we are! I just grabbed a few things and raced home. It's strange, I'm getting nervous about driving during busy times, which I've done plenty of times, and today the wind was rocking the car at some points and that is, again, not exactly the first time. 

I was unimpressed (as well as something of a wreck) and I can't afford to be like this - I refuse! So I've had a play with the templates on Canva and come up with a structure that will hopefully work. I'm not including one of my 'real' ones, but I had a quick fiddle with a template and got this. 

I changed the font and the clip art in the top right corner. The glasses did not originally show rum, but I thought it was funny.

I was reluctant to do the print out thing because it costs money, but if it gets me into any sort of rhythm then it has to be worth it. I'm getting pretty desperate. 

Writing stuff - I have a short story here. 

Hugs and good health to all.