Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Not much to Add

The meeting about father's care was quite clear.  He needs to go to a nursing home with medical care available 24 hours a day.  I am currently researching (uncle's home is not suitable).

Father believes he will be fine to get home by Christmas.  I am not arguing, but it will take a great deal of work and luck and poor father is getting tired very quickly.  I think it is more about getting back to being active and independent rather than coming back to a particular space.

He is still flirting with the nurses.  He is still father.  That's the important thing.


  1. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this so soon after all the trauma with your uncle. Think of the decision for your father to go into a nursing home as a positive decision. There is nothing worse than trying to send someone back to a home which is clearly unsuitable for them to manage in and then having to find alternative care once everyone has been traumatised by the crisis. If your father believes he can improve from where he is now and keeps fighting to move forward with what he can do, that's good. The time for grieving his various losses may well come later but should be addressed at some point if he is able to take time and energy to consider it. Your primary consideration must be "Is he safe where he is now?" "Would he be safe at home?" "Will he be safe in the new home?" Don't forget to involve your siblings in the decision making and the visits to various homes. If you haven't already found them online, every home is visited by the Care Quality Commission and copies of their inspection reports are available on their website or copies can be requested. You can also ask if any visits are planned in the near future. I'm very impressed by all your coping strategies. Good luck.

  2. It is most important for you that he IS still father - I had a distressing day last Christmas when my dad was waiting in hospital for a pacemaker op, because his heartbeat was going mad, and he clearly wasn't there - he was imagining things, hallucinating, and acting in a quite aggressive way at times, and it just wasn't my dad - he's not like that. I do hope you can get some help to sort things out and move on. Much love to all of you xxx