I am due a delivery this morning, the last before Christmas. And just like every year I worry and think, 'is this enough?'
The cupboards are FULL. The kitchen is FULL. I cannot empty the dehumidifier in the walk in because presents have got stashed near there and the freezer is absolutely FULL. I don't know that I will be able to actually find room for the delivery. It is the same as every year and every year I have the nagging doubt that somehow my family will somehow starve to death during the brief flicker of time the shops are shut.
And the awful question - will bear feel like he has had a good Christmas? At the moment I cannot move for bits - you know, the bits like the quirky notepad or the 'make your own rocket pack' kit. I also have a load of stuff for bear to have from father, including a 'grow your own crystal monster' kit and a 'balloon helicopter kit', neither of which were very expensive but all are piled up all over.
I am so tired that I am floating, but can't sleep. Yesterday I took a phone call from one of father's friends from Church. I didn't know what to do, leave the room and let bear worry about what was being said or hear me trying to let father's friend know that if father feels he can't come home ever then there is a good chance he will just give up and go. Bear is high on my worry list.
I am focusing on New Year, New Start.