I've come a long way in the last few years. The house is a lot emptier. It's not empty, nor is it clear and I couldn't answer for clean, but it is emptier. Random shopping still happens, but with decreasing frequency. I am no longer on antidepressants and I am physically more active than I have been for years. That is, I am not very physically active. I really am not, it is shameful how little I move, but it is an improvement. I have survived the last eighteen months and I am quite proud of that, though I think it was more by luck than judgement - also prayers and support from lovely people, I can't take any credit but I can certainly give it. I also must say that the last eighteen months have been tough, but I am very aware that other people have it tougher. I wouldn't repeat the last year and a half if I had a choice, but I know very well that it could have been a lot worse.
However now I am in a slightly better place and I am taking stock. The first big problem I have is that I am rubbish. I can't decide to do something and then just do it. If I decide that the next day I will be changing the beds you can bet the mortgage that the beds will be unchanged but I may have randomly cleared a cupboard. It isn't helpful.
I was considering my options and I have decided that I am going to try and get my New Year's Resolutions set up and ready to go. My normal attitude is that it doesn't have to be a special day to start something, but I think this time it may be helpful to have a 'start'. The first line of my New Year's Declaration of Becoming Competent is:
Learn to Just Do It
That's a tough challenge, but there are a lot of resources out there. Other goals, in no particular order are:
Be more frugal
Get/keep the house clean
Finish up the outstanding projects
Learn to sew
Be more active
Sort out the garden
Be more organised
Visit father and uncle more
Be a positive influence
Be better groomed
Sell or donate things no longer wanted
Redecorate the entire house - unfortunately actually needed and not exaggerated.
They are all extremely vague and sweeping, but all increasingly important to me. I'm going to spend what is left of this year trying to organise them and set realistic goals, with small, defined steps. Posting on here will help me keep myself to account. I'll share in the hope that others who read could possibly learn from my mistakes and I'm sure I'll find the humour in the situations.
Sarah - thank you, your comment brought a lump to my throat and really helped. Thank you.