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Friday 2 February 2018

Worried

Yesterday I posted a poem on my 'writing' blog, Always Another Chapter.  I don't remember writing the poem, and I don't remember posting it up either.  This is not a good thing.  Reading the poem back, it looks good, I'm happy with it, it look like it's triggered by a writing prompt from Our Write Side and thankfully nothing to do with me and I can't complain.  I just wish I could remember doing it. 

I also found a mystery grocery order which I was able to amend so that tomorrow's delivery will be slightly less random.  I checked and there wasn't an eBay moment. 

I am a little concerned.  I'm not ashamed of the poem and the grocery delivery is much needed, but it worries me that I can't remember actions that take several steps and some passwords.  I am not really coping at the moment and after last night I need to accept that drink is not the answer.  I'm usually fairly confident of finding answers quickly but I have no idea where to go at the moment.  The two usual answers to stress and anxiety are antidepressants and counselling but neither are easy for me.  Just because they aren't easy doesn't mean I shouldn't consider them, but it isn't my first choice.  I could take more exercise in fresh air, but I struggle to get out of the house.  My diet is in dire need of a rescue, and that's another struggle as I love my comfort food. 

I'm considering turning to writing.  Here's a picture of the interior of York Minster that I keep hanging around to motivate me.  I'm considering actually paying actual money to go into the minster.  I know it's necessary for the incredible cost to upkeep and I know that the £10 I would pay would get me any time in for a year but it doesn't feel right.  Even though it's less than it would cost me to see a film at the cinema. 

8 comments:

  1. I don't know your age, or much about you for that matter, but if you think something is not right, it probably isn't. Lack of sleep keeps me from being my best. I also could stand to lose some weight and get more exercise. I take B vitamins rather than antidepressants, and they seem to help. Try to take some small baby steps at changing your habits that you don't like. Take care.
    Barb from Canada

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  2. All I can say to you is, I have been where you are many times and will, in all probability return there. You have hope that this will change, although I don’t know you I can see this because you already know that drink is not the answer. Something is not right but don’t panic. Stop overthinking it all and take it one step at a time. Take a while to think about what you want and what is stopping you having it. If £10 gets you into the Minster then pay it. Even if you only visit the place once it’s worth it. You are worth it. There is such a lot out there about frugality and I wonder if it’s too much for some of us. Personally, I have reached the decision that I will just try my best to save where I can but there will be times where I need to invest in myself. I wish you nothing but the best, you can find a peaceful place but only if you give yourself time, space and resources xxxx Sue xxxx

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  3. Hi, I think you are roughly the same age as me, one husband, one son age 11, live in a terraced house in the north of England and am struggling with anxiety and depression. I don't know what the answer is, but I'm here if you want to talk. I should have been out at my cousin's engagement party last night, but just couldn't face it. My mum said she will tell me all about it today - I'm dreading it. Love fluffyxx

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  4. You already know as you are very smart that drink is never the answer. It's an easy one to hard times but only a short fix and can in itself become another problem quickly. You are stronger than you think and I pray you will find what works for you. But like Barb said, Baby steps. You can do this!

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  5. I know things are difficult. Make an appointment with your GP. Alternative is Specialist Nurse who seem to have more time and are ace in my opinion.

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  6. I think you've made a significant step in admitting to yourself that you might have a problem. I also think that a long, grey, cold January compounds any problems at this time of year. You also recognize that you need to get outdoors and that you need to eat better - so you are ahead of the game. I know that anti-depressants do some a world of good but if you feel that you'd rather try something else first then that also has to be your decision - but please reconsider if things get worse.
    If writing helps then that is a wonderful path to take. If you can also take some small steps then usually the bigger steps get easier. Maybe a bit more fruit than those carbs we love at this time of year? A walk to the end of the street and back instead of a hike in the woods? These may sound a wee bit facile but I do speak from experience. Small steps do get easier over time. Good luck and please take care.

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  7. I'd spend the money so you can visit a place that might make you feel a little better and would give you a reason to get out of the house. Writing is a great way to sort out feelings too. My son was having a hard time recently and found that writing things down helped. It's certainly better than keeping them in!

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