The hospital visit was because I have been diagnosed with a rodent ulcer. It is a very slow growing, almost benign spot that will keep going and going until it is cut out and as it is right on the tip of my nose I will need to have a skin graft to cover the space with skin from behind my ear. I am worried about bear and how it will affect him and how I will organise him getting to and from school and whether he will be teased for having a mother with a dressing on her face. So much fretting over what is something quite little.
Sarah - thank you so much for your message. I have been worrying about you, and hope you are taking care of yourself. It is lovely to hear from you and your lovely message. I definitely don't feel worthy. I am falling apart. There are days when I spend time sobbing for hours. I am getting increasingly shut in and find the thought of leaving the house for anything other than bear daunting. I'm not agoraphobic in the sense that when I am in an open space I am fine. It just seems that going out for any other reason than bear is so overwhelming complicated and difficult and not worth the trouble. The house is a mess, everything is a mess. It isn't just one thing, and it isn't really my father. It wasn't unexpected and it hasn't been complicated. I have just fallen apart. I keep blogging here and trying to be positive because it is incredibly helpful to find the things that are good and there is a lot of good. Bear is, as ever, awesome and a source of much positivity. I worry, though. I was about his age when I watched my mother have a breakdown and it wasn't good. I am trying to consciously joke around with him. It is going to be fun learning to sew things together. However I can feel myself slowly shutting down. I have started having very bad reactions to antidepressants, so I don't want to go back to those. I wouldn't be able to look after bear.
After that gloomy and self indulgent waffle, I think I should post this.
Also, what's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
Off to find more jokes.
(((HUGS))) Hope all will be OK and you are worried over nothing. Take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteTake care and be kind to yourself. Give your lovely bear a big hug and take heart .x
ReplyDelete