The hospital visit was because I have been diagnosed with a rodent ulcer. It is a very slow growing, almost benign spot that will keep going and going until it is cut out and as it is right on the tip of my nose I will need to have a skin graft to cover the space with skin from behind my ear. I am worried about bear and how it will affect him and how I will organise him getting to and from school and whether he will be teased for having a mother with a dressing on her face. So much fretting over what is something quite little.
Sarah - thank you so much for your message. I have been worrying about you, and hope you are taking care of yourself. It is lovely to hear from you and your lovely message. I definitely don't feel worthy. I am falling apart. There are days when I spend time sobbing for hours. I am getting increasingly shut in and find the thought of leaving the house for anything other than bear daunting. I'm not agoraphobic in the sense that when I am in an open space I am fine. It just seems that going out for any other reason than bear is so overwhelming complicated and difficult and not worth the trouble. The house is a mess, everything is a mess. It isn't just one thing, and it isn't really my father. It wasn't unexpected and it hasn't been complicated. I have just fallen apart. I keep blogging here and trying to be positive because it is incredibly helpful to find the things that are good and there is a lot of good. Bear is, as ever, awesome and a source of much positivity. I worry, though. I was about his age when I watched my mother have a breakdown and it wasn't good. I am trying to consciously joke around with him. It is going to be fun learning to sew things together. However I can feel myself slowly shutting down. I have started having very bad reactions to antidepressants, so I don't want to go back to those. I wouldn't be able to look after bear.
After that gloomy and self indulgent waffle, I think I should post this.
Also, what's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.
Off to find more jokes.