Normal for Me

Chris - thank you! That friendly hug was very much appreciated. 

The problem with panic attacks is that I've had them too long. I'm at the stage where I under-react. The first one I had, I think around 1985 or 1986 (though they were never diagnosed then), I thought I was going to die. The heart attack symptoms earlier in the year were a little alarming. These days I'm just trying to work around them. I hope it settles down soon.

I took the car in today. Again. The nice people at Kwik Fit had a look at it. Again. They couldn't find a fault with it. Again. They didn't charge me (because they didn't do anything) and I gave them a box of chocolates. The likely problem is that the car isn't going over 40mph. It needs a good run or it gets gunked up, apparently. I have a suspicion that red would be a lot faster car with a different driver. She's nippy enough when she gets going. She takes time to warm up, however, and she really doesn't like first gear. DH is now the co-driver of the car and agrees that 1st gear is a challenge, but she's a good little workhorse. She definitely likes a longer run. This means that I definitely need to work on motorway driving. Fortunately, DH's runs are likely to be a little faster than the school run so that will help. The thought of going on the motorway isn't helping my stress levels. On the bright side, though, I got quite a bit of knitting done while they checked red out.

I write all sorts of rubbish on here. It's a sort of 'see it, say it' blog. This is actually a good thing because I posted about the new door being installed last year. As there are a few issues, I checked the blog to see when it was installed and I could ring up and give them the date and mention that the lock was a problem. They're getting back to me. The regular wrestle with the door (because when it's closed it wants to stay closed) is probably not helping my stress levels.

I'm writing this now because I was supposed to be taking things out to the car, but I don't want to disturb the sparrows. They are a lot more assertive than me and play absolute war as they enjoy the bird feeder. I also saw a rat disappearing into the gap between the tyres. I think I am going to have to face it. If I want to keep the bird feeder, I need to get rid of the plants or accept the occasional rat. I'm having a think about it. The rat is not helping the stress levels.

I'm not necessarily thinking as clearly as I would like because my room stank of weed all last night. I do not indulge in it. I'm not necessarily condemning those who do, but it's really not my thing, and I'm not sure that it's good for people. As someone who is cutting down their drinking drastically in case of liver damage, I don't feel in a position to preach, but I couldn't recommend it. I don't like the smell of it in my room either. I suspect that the window needs to be replaced. Lots of people smoke it in the street, and there have been issues with fumes before, so I think more air is coming in than should be with a closed window. Also, next door's central heating is not in a good state by the smell of the fumes coming out of the vent. As for the window, it's going to have to wait. And the smell and sleeping issues it causes aren't helping my nerves either. 

I had a little walk yesterday when I got this pic, which I'm hoping on using on the writing blog.

Today I went to IKEA for some vegetarian meatballs and part of bear's Christmas present. It's more of a token, really, and I'm not putting anything more here in case he reads the blog. I got quite a few steps in, and had a little wander around, but resisted buying a lot of stuff. I'm quite proud of that.

Writing stuff - today's story is here. I should be writing tomorrow's story now. I'm not sure that the October posts have helped my stress levels either. 

Hugs and good health to all.