Thank you to everyone who has given messages of condolence and sympathy. It has really helped and I really appreciate it.
I am still bewildered, and I don't suppose it will go any time soon. As my address is very easily identifiable I am being cagey about the date of the funeral. It is a little while away, though, and I am sure that there will be a lot of people nodding when I say that I feel like I am standing in the middle of a whirling mass of information and stuff to do and I am not taking it all in. It doesn't help that during this I have started moving stuff around in a major way and adding to furniture and getting rid of other stuff because we had started with the free piano before father passed. I swear in this room I can see about two square feet of carpet, the rest is stuff - and it's a big room.
We cleared father's room at the care home this morning. I really broke down in a way I hadn't since Tuesday. DH was a real rock for me, especially as he is hurting as well. The staff were upset as well. They were so lovely with father, and they really miss him. I've come home with some more Christmas cards and two rolls of wrapping paper.
Earlier I pulled a case down from the top of father's wardrobe. That was an adventure. I had to move a lot of things, including the Christian Aid thingy that father had forgotten about, a locked, keyless cash box that has, as far as I can tell by shaking it, nothing inside it. I suppose that is something I need to sort out. I found fifty more Christmas cards there as well. Bluehousedebs suggested that I do a Christmas card give away, in a very tongue in cheek fashion, and I may if I ever get to the stage of being sure I can actually get my act together enough to see it through.
When I opened the case I found decorating stuff. There were lots of paint pads. I have never used a paint pad. To be honest I've only ever used brushes on the tyres. But it's a sign, right? It may be the sort of sign that is actually just nothing at all, but I could pretend it was a sign and that I am meant to start decorating. And before I decorate I have to sort out and clean and even if finding half of B&Q's stock of paint pads is just a coincidence, it's a useful coincidence, right?
I'm off now to try and sort out some more stuff.